The last six months have seen some inevitable changes happen in my life, concerning my parents.
We are all somebody’s child, but not all of us have the privilege of being treated as one still at 62, I can’t say I’ve always appreciated it when being told about past eccentricities, or perhaps that I should do this or that, except I know I’m going to miss the pleasure of my parents company who essentially I’ve always treated as being pals.
This new life experience has been sudden, due to my parents being both in reasonable good form for 84 and 88 respectively. Bright minds and pretty good physical health has been their & my good fortune. My parents are divorced long term, with my Dad living in the USA for some time with his wife and my Mother living not far from me here in France.
Mum at 88 has started to have ongoing but relatively small health issues however with an impact psychologically and my father has been diagnosed with lung cancer which has been a shock ( smoked his last cigarette at 35, ) going from a pro-active force of a man to being reliable on surrounding help, which is hard to digest not only for him and his wife, but for me and my siblings who can only try our best from 7000 kms away.
Since beginning this blog my Mother took a tumble and ended up in hospital, thankfully without anything broken. After having initial care in one hospital she was transferred to another to have some rehabilitation in a town in Provence that is well known for it’s antique shops and markets. In my opinion antiques have a better chance of being cared for, than it you are an aged human! Rehabilitation for the elderly, apparently means giving them plenty of strong painkillers such as fentanyl to keep them quiet, unacceptable for me. Hence my Mother is now having care at home, she, I consider is a lucky escapee.!
Baby boomers will apparently spend more years looking after our elderly parents than our children ,another surprise in our 20 to 21st century life.
Women who no longer can expect to have a pension pre sixty-six ( at least in the UK ) , who lose jobs at fifty and find the employment arena age-unfriendly, who are apparently paying for elderly parents, as well as’ stay at home’ adult children, this looks grim, and is another situation we haven’t been prepared for! Asking Google ‘whose looking into ageing’ isn’t inspiring, particularly when the first page concentrates on ageing being fifty plus! In my mind this is the age group whose problems are totally passed over, we are the ones caring for the aged, we aren’t aged, but we are considered aged, argh!
And who will look after us, that looks bleak too, as we simply didn’t invest in having enough children and further more, many of us didn’t invest! The only boom from us will be a deep groan unless we get our act together and start demanding to be heard, seen and supported.
The popularity of Coaching has increased and is slowly becoming a growing necessity to stay on track as unexpected dilemmas challenge us, we need motivation & support to find our magic spells that will help to carry us through. I trained as a life coach and I see the value of coaching increasing in this changing world of going forward after fifty.
It certainly is a tough time, and not easy to adjust. My brother and I were running our family business and after my Dad’s death took care of my mother whilst she sunk deeper into dementia. It was extremely demanding and sometimes exhausting – episodes of running away, police out looking for her, suddenly becoming delirious and ambulances whisking her off to hospital, prolonged bouts of deep depression. It takes its toll when you are working as well. And just at a time when you had hoped you would have more domestic peace once the children were gone! My Mum lived till she was 95, she had been in secure care for some time by then and it was a place we were happy with. But she long outlived what my father had left. We managed, and of course wanted to as they had cared for us. But it can be a quite a challenge.
My goodness Ana, you and your brother certainly had a non enviable challenge. And we haven’t even touched on the aged couples who have to look after each other.
Great article Rebecca. Dealing with my ageing parents who both became ill was one of the most distressing times in my life. We live in a society that doesn’t prepare or teach us how to deal with these real situations and are left to find our own solutions in times of crisis.
Thank you Alison. You are so right.
I am glad that your mother is at home with your support and care. I am not a fan of painkillers neither. The healthcare system for the elderly is really not perfect and we cannnot expect our children to take care of us like we do for our parents. Sometimes we need to come together and support each other.
Indeed, it’s seems to be a subject in the western world at least, that is not being dealt with as much as it should be.