It’s funny, or maybe not, that when you find yourself in a new challenge, articles pop out that are just what you need.
I had never heard of Swedish death cleaning until a discussion with my own life coach about clearing my mother’s personal goods, post her death, brought it into the limelight.
Swedish Death Cleaning is decluttering one’s own stuff so that, after your own life, no one else has to do it. The majority of us are not aware of when we are going to pass away, but the fact of the matter is that none of us is getting out of here alive, and perhaps a little consideration for the ones who will have to sort out what was important to us personally is an act of kindness.
My mother was a hoarder, someone who never threw away anything. A painter, she kept her artwork from her student days back in the fifties until 2025 when the inspiration to draw and paint had disappeared. She brought it all to France at the age of seventy. I’m a little bemused and a bit annoyed that she did not take the opportunity then to streamline her belongings, but no. “You never know when something might be of use,” she would have said to me.
And then there are the papers, statements, paid bills, a lifetime of letters, and so much more.
We had the added challenge that my mother’s circumstances meant dealing with several countries, and never forget that each country has its own set of rules. If you have this issue, make sure you deal with people who have an idea of foreign rules and regulations; unfortunately, we did not and ended up doing 99% of the work ourselves.
My mother never talked about death or even ageing until six months before her passing, but by then, physically, it was too late for her to declutter. Death denial may have given her the long life she had, but practically it hasn’t been easy for those left behind. Regrettably, I didn’t take the bull by the horns and insist on facing clearing up. I remember she said, with a chuckle, “I don’t know how you’re going to sort out all my stuff.” It was at that point I should have spoken out. If only I’d read about Swedish Death Cleaning some time ago.
Is it fair to leave all your stuff behind? I have decided that it is not. There’s enough to do when someone dies, practically, not least emotionally.
The learning: Each experience gives learning, and in this case it has been to commence with my own cupboard of the past. In my opinion, what is of interest to you will have limited interest to anyone else. If you have interesting stories or pieces, write them down to share. At least nowadays the computer saves space, and everything can be found in one place as long as you leave someone your password.
A Swedish Death Cleaning mindset is to imagine your end never being too far away; therefore, declutter as you move through your life. I’ve decided to start my own tidy-up right now. I too have useless paperwork from my past life that isn’t important to me or anyone else.
As Ann Patchett, a writer I have full admiration for, wrote in an article in The New York Times about Swedish Death Cleaning, after witnessing a friend’s distress when being left with a death declutter. This prompted her to start with her own; although imagining her own death approaching was difficult, she decided to pretend she was moving and start the throwing-out process with that in mind. This is a good lesson and one that makes the process logical.
Of course there will be keepsakes. Objects that you might want for useful and emotional reasons. My mother had a salt and pepper mill from her marriage to my father. They probably don’t work, yet I think I’ll keep them, as they remind me of fleeting moments in my childhood home — a home that truthfully has mixed memories and emotions. Yet keeping something so useless and worthless makes me giggle, and after all, it will be easily disposed of when the time comes by someone else.
What am I to do with all my mother’s personal letters? What am I to do with albums of every postcard she ever received? My own personal thoughts are that it is unfair to burden others with these choices of what to throw away.
The “someday” pile and why someday needs a deadline.
I think the someday pile suited my mother; she always thought that something might be useful in the future, but if you are in your twilight years, the reality of those thoughts needs reassessing.
And how about the financial paperwork, which frankly none of us can be prepared for, except professionals lurking to help you out for a price, in what is for most a difficult time. This part is time consuming and inescapable a course or pdf on what to expect would be helpful. Though I have a sneaky feeling we wouldn’t want to deal with this reality until we have to.
Swedish Death Cleaning is a great way to start what I think most people would consider a grim task, but now, having experienced and continuing to experience it, I implore you to do an act of kindness to the ones who may be left behind and declutter.