There has been a recent surge of interest in getting the Menopause out in the open, Hurray! Therefore I was happy to hear from a fellow coach Karen Mary Wilson of ‘Quest for Success’ about the concept of the Menopause Cafes. I decided to go one step further and contact Rachel Weiss  the creator of the Menopause Cafe and ask her some questions and this is how she responded.

Where did the idea of the Menopause Cafe come from?

When I turned 50, I knew I was likely to experience the menopause soon, but I realised I knew next to nothing about what to expect.  Before my first period, I had some idea of what would happen. Before my first child, I had some idea of what could happen. But before my menopause – not a clue!  I didn’t even know that the definition of the menopause is when it’s 12 months since your last period, or what perimenopause was. 

There was plenty of information online, when I looked, but no one in my friendship or work circles was talking about their experience or passing on tips.  I know that everyone’s experience is unique, and nothing can prepare you for these milestones in our female lives, but I was surprised at the silence.  I wanted to hear stories of women who had gone through the menopause, what were their symptoms, how had they managed, what helped?

I had previously run Death Cafes (www.deathcafe.com) where people, often strangers, gather to drink tea, eat cake and talk about death.  I wondered whether a similar format would work for the menopause.  I wondered aloud on my business Face book page (www.facebook.com/RowanConsultancy) and was surprised at the number of positive responses, including two women, Gail and Lorna, who volunteered to help organise a Menopause Café with me in our home town of Perth.  With the blessing of Jon Underwood, founder of Death Café, we copied his format, lock, stock and barrel.  I remember sitting in Blend Coffee Lounge, last June, wondering whether it would just be the three of us plus our two friends whom we’d roped in.  But in the end about twenty-eight women and one man turned up to drink tea, eat cake and talk about the menopause. 

There was no speaker, no agenda, no product being sold: just a safe space to have a conversation about the menopause.

After the first event we were asked to run more in Perth and there was interest from further afield. So we created a “How to Run Your Own Menopause Café” guide, available on www.menopausecafe.net and people have used this to run Menopause Cafes in Edinburgh, Ayrshire and Hampshire. 

 Do you encourage healthy eating or even a menopausal diet?

No, the only thing we encourage is talking about the menopause. We leave participants to draw their own conclusions about any course of action they may choose to take.

In fact, you could say that we encourage unhealthy eating by providing cake at Menopause Cafes!

 Any age can come to the cafe, but statistically how many women under the age of 50 come?

The majority of women who attend (about 85%) are aged 41-55. Our oldest participant was 85, and the youngest was 23 years old.

 What is the long term goal of the Menopause Café?

To reduce the stigma and taboo around menopause, so that it becomes an ordinary topic of conversation at work and at home.

To increase awareness of the impact of the menopause on those experiencing it, their friends, colleagues and families, so that we can make conscious choices about this third stage of life.

 Do men come with their partners or are they ‘menopausal men’?

I’m not sure what a menopausal man is!  The men who have attended, came with their partners.  But I hope sons will attend to better understand and support their mothers and that colleagues will come to find out how to accommodate menopause at work and that some men might attend on their own, to find support for themselves if they live or work with a menopausal woman.  It’s not easy for them, sometimes men say they feel that whatever they do or say is wrong, or they feel their partner has had a personality change.  It’s important that men have some idea of what to expect before the women in their lives become menopausal.  That will make it easier for everyone.

 How do people generally view this concept?

We’ve been overwhelmed by the level of interest and support.  This week I had a Skype call with a lady in Toronto who is setting one up there, last week we saw the first Menopause Café in England, with more to follow, so there is clearly a need well beyond Scotland.

Three large organisations are interested in running Menopause Cafes at Work.  I facilitated our first Menopause Café at Work for Scottish and Southern Energy (SSE) at their headquarters in Perth last week.  Over 30 women spent their lunch break talking about the menopause.  Some had experience very few symptoms, others had suffered for years, others were there to find out what was still to come, others because they wanted more information in order to support their mothers.

 What do we need to know about the Menopause Cafe and is there one near us?

Everyone is welcome, of all ages and genders.  You can find a list of Menopause Cafes on www.menopausecafe.net  If there isn’t one near you, why not set one up?  It can be in your home for a group of your friends, or in a public place open to all.  See the “How To” section of our website for guidance and then get in touch for a chat to talk it through and see how we can support you to host a Menopause Café.